she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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