Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
