I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize