i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
