that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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