well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
