Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I lost the right to judge tonight
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
