the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
