we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
