I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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