I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
