you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
