she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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