i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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