I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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