Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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