the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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