As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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