Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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