Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize