I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
