sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
