I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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