girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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