I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
