I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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