Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
