I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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