omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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