Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize