I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
