We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
