Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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