WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
