I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
