There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
