Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
