I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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