someone owes me an orgasm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
