Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
