I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
