I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
