yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
