It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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