You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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