so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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