Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
