for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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