not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
