I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
