Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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