filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
