Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
