when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
