all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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