He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
