I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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