this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
