mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Boobs are out for the taking
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
