If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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