Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
