Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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