That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
