Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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