i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
