I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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