apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
