I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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