Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
