I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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