the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
