His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up under a house in Key West
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
