Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
