I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
