dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
