____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
