Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
