I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm passing your future prison.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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