i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
