u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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